locked doors

locked doors.

every choice i made
every single day
every way
i have to pay

living in the past
hating the present
afraid of the future

i never learned to listen.
always ripping open my
freshly dug sutures.

dealing with the consequences
of my actions
left alone
in an orderly fashion

overwhelmed with my decisions
left with nothing more
losing myself each time
i close and lock another door.

everything i touch
crumbles into ruins
everything i love
ends before i knew it.

I came into this world alone
I walk this world alone
I'll leave this world alone.

brain on my shoulders
heart on my sleeve
taking each step
towards a newer me.

working for myself
looking for an answer
trying to make it in this world
corruption spreads like cancer.

falling, grabbing, leaving
gasping
reaching
for a unknown source
opening a new door
feet planted on the floor.

every choice i make
every single day
every way
reflecting new ways.
learning from my mistakes.
10/9/08

watching

watching.

watch me disappear

watch me walk out the door

watch there be nothing left

but my heart scattered on the floor

i gave it my all

i watched it fail

im tired of these eyes

they left me to kill.

i watched you try

i watched me shut you down

i watched my lungs fill with water

until i drowned

i watched the tears pass

i watched the days go by

i watched as the love of my life

was no longer mine

no longer apart of my life

i saw him see her

and i lost all

i watched myself try and be strong

and fail

now theres nothing for me to do

but walk out this door

opening a new chapter

watching ..

2/18/08

Masked

Masked
2/22/08

Grasping tight
finally got it right
an endless fight.

eyes open
mouth dry
nothing left to do
but live your life
and when your numbers up
it will be your time to die.

so reach for the sky
never weakening your fight
against this calamitous world
smothered by society.

Closes Her Eyes

She shut her eyes
in hopes
to find peace.

too much noise
to the point it hurts
get away
run for it.

left in a dream
holding consciousness
running..
for your life

destination.
she finds it
a world of respect
quiet,clean, and fun
everyone loves everyone
can't go wrong.

She opens her eyes
and realizes
the darkness of reality

left alone
from her warmth
she closes her eyes
to get her dream back

out of her reach
now shes forgotten
the love and peace
in her dreamland destiny.

always wishing it true
closing her eyes
in hopes to find
peace of mind
before she dies.
2/22/08
-Ginnies

Holding Tighter

Holding Tighter
8/15/06

The minute you let go
i held on a little tighter
the minute you burnt out
i became your lighter
to spark the flame

the minute i thought you were lost
i never stopped looking.
the second i layed eyes on you
i knew what i would go through
for someone in my life
like you..

You fill in the holes
i always avoided
i went around them
and drowned in them
in tears of regret

with every moment passed
it built up a little more
of hatred and stupidity
because i led the reputation
of being a stupid whore.

thats not who i am
or who i'll ever be
now that i found you
i will never leave

i care too much
i could never let go
when your grasp gets lighter
i will only hold on tighter
until my life fades
into off whites and grays.
..and ill still be holding on.
living day by day.

-Ginnies

with out a sweater.

with out a sweater.
9/18/06

with every word said
i believed it true
with every action
i became more intune
without a chance.
the cold air hits me
and i button my sweater
but im still cold
so i walk...

everything is passing
slow..
with out a chance i trip
and fall..
i lay on the ground
with no where to go
but here..

my heads against the pavement
and the world around me
with no one to help me up
my sweaters ripped
and im even colder.

reality gave me whip flash
no longer able to understand..
the one emotion i never knew
so here i sit
screaming inside.
until my voice disappears
along with everything else.

with every word said
i believed you
with every action
i loved you more
with out a chance
it ended
and now im cold.
without a sweater.

-Crystal

2007

2007


The senior class is in the clear
with all the memories
held close and dear

All the parties,
and good times had
some end good..
some end bad..

We watched 06, 05, and 04
walk on out the Citrus doors
Wanting to be them
more and more..
as the years went by.

07' started at the bottom
with hands reaching for the top
we finally hit the ceiling..
when Graduation drops.

We will walk down the field
in a single file line
with eyes facing forward
never looking behind.

Some will be successful
some may not be
but i have a feeling
the class of 2007
will embrace the moment to be free.

5/1/07
Written by: Crystal MacGinnis

Flying Home

Flying Home

Heading North
they fly above me
only for a second
the worlds at ease.

working together
pushing eachother
never to stop flying

The atmosphere sheds light
in their eyes
as the courage
does nothing but rise
like the sun

Flying to another world
no second thoughts
its only what they
understand to do

I wish the world
thought like this
spontaneous with
a touch of free spirit

Working as one
to complete a journey
never looking back
only flying forward

If one falls
they all reach down
to grab him
something people
dont seem to comprehend

gracefully gliding
following their lead
going home
with such pure ambition
fullfilling their destiny

something people
will live forever ..
to learn
but will never know..

a reason to let
the seasons change
to go with the flow
as you fly home

with the world
at your face
wind in your hair
never looking back
never being scared
flying home
fullfilling your destiny.

8-20-2007
-Ginnies

Embedded Soul

Embedded Soul

The sky is filled with remorse
for the wasted time
i have nothing to say
the words don't seem to rhyme.

i loved with all i had
but it wasn't enough
i'm not enough
i'll never be
what you want.

sick of the fights
sick of the hurt
sick of the hate
you fill me with

i thought forever
would happen
but i realize
there is no forever
never.

im crying
shouting for help
my soul is drowning
everything i thought
i never felt

i'm lost in this crazy world
not knowing where im headed
but i do know one thing
this love i had
will always be embeded
in my soul

it may have ended
but my love never will
im at war with myself
getting ready for my next kill.

my breath is getting shorter
my soul is getting hurt
i lost myself
along the road i led

the next step is to find myself
in this battlefield of love
i need to let go
and learn what i don't know.
i don't have much time
so it starts now
with out you.

12/12/07
-Ginnies

Eyes of Faith

Eyes of Faith

His big blue eyes
can light up 1000 skies
he never lets you down
only holds you up high

he has the strength
every one wishes
they could possess
he has the faith
that no one could forget.

his life influenced many
his words will live on
his spirit will never fade
and his love grows strong

His words remind us who to be
and his love shows us where to be
he has so many people
who regret this cancer
but the lord is asking
for him to answer

He could be suffering
with pain unending
but the lord is there
the wounds he's mending

bumble bee's, honey,
and christmas trees
can't forget old westerns
butter pecan icecream,
and the loud t.v

after he passes he will never be forgotten
he will only live stronger
in each one of us
who he influenced
who he loved
who he taught..

His big blue eyes
can light up 1000 skies
he never lets you down
only holds you up high
when he's watching from above.
With his unending, faith and love.

Dedicated to my Grandpa Roger
I love you gramps.
1/15/08
RIP

Written:12/18/07
-Crystal

Dusty Road.

Dusty Road
2/06/08

the path leads
far away
a journey
with many deceptions
waiting in the corner
a different walk each day

a dusty road
with rocks and holes
patiently waiting for my foot
to watch me trip
and fall..

they always said
count your blessings child
and listen to your mother
make yourself different
from another

leave your inhibitions
and go get out there
in this big big world

your dreams are achieveable
your light is bright
your ambition is strong
and your love is kind

make time for the stars
make time for the sunset
never take back anything
because lifes experiences
are nothing to ever regret

live in the moment
dream for tomorrow
hold tight to the past
knowing it helps
with lifes many sorrows

hold on to your identity
and keep it close
who you are
is what separates you
from just being another drone

follow your heart they said
and never let it hinder
find the true you
and be your own leader

keep your head up
and your faith strong
allow people in your life
to do you wrong
its the only way to learn

stand alone
with your opinions
never be quiet
for others convenience

be proud
be thankful
and never be afraid

walk that long path
with confidence
and love the adventure
hold the journey close
learn the most

dont worry dear
ill see you at the end
of that long dark,
unpredictable
beautiful road
called life.

-Crystal

Watching.

watching.

watch me disappear

watch me walk out the door

watch there be nothing left

but my heart scattered on the floor

i gave it my all

i watched it fail

I'm tired of these eyes

they left me to kill.

i watched you try

i watched me shut you down

i watched my lungs fill with water

until i drowned

i watched the tears pass

i watched the days go by

i watched as the love of my life

was no longer mine

no longer apart of my life

i saw him see her

and i lost all

i watched myself try and be strong

and fail

now theres nothing for me to do

but walk out this door

opening a new chapter

watching ..

2/18/08

Laugh

Laugh

hidden in the shadows of an unexpected laugh
something too good to pass
congested with your suffocated personality
the echo seems to always follow me.

held so tight in your meaningless grip
a long fall, for a short trip
bruises and scars will come around
everything you say, and said
sits neatly in the corner on the ground

i got cut short of what i deserve
messin around with someone who has no nerve
threw me for a loop, and a dangerously sharp curve
i know when i scream it can't be heard
so ill laugh hysterically instead.

3/19/06

Living.

Living.

The overwhelming cynicism of your laugh.
the speechless gesture of your kiss.
the rude way you care
it isn't enough.

With a simple wish that comes from the depths of my mind.
and my heart
left laughing at the emptiness of your remark
i think of you from the moment i woke up
until things get dark.

I'm tranquil all day
express my thoughts in this way
my poem
to you
my words
about you.

hold me in my dreams
thats all i have
real life is arctic
freezing in the responsibility
to impress
society.

fuck that.
look at me.
i have too much to care
far too much to care
I'm now in a neutral territory
a respiration of my infidelity...
to myself. and no one else.


so kiss me good night and tuck me in
but not too tight
cuz i may run away.
far away
just let me stay for a while
and when i leave
don't long for my return

the alleyway of life will lead me in directions
of the world that is uncertainly respected
by me.
and by me
is all that matters
because the words about me by you.
only matter to some
but to me
they don't.

Low.

Low.

Frozen in the walls of nothing
a deep breath, constantly choking
the only source of liquid is my tears
reduced my self-confidence, to fear.

Caught between money and time
surrounded with pain and lies.
my mind is trapped
and my body is outside.

i was on top of the mountain
with my hand in my pocket
last thing i can say
is life is kind of like a rocket

a flame of heat can set it off
and when its gone it blows up
the pieces eventually hit the ground
left to be picked up, and found.
eventually gone.

there has to be an easier way
to live life day by day
to remember yesterday
dream tomorrow
and live today.
a phrase i read,
and now like to say.

constant struggle, filled with stress
you will never receive my best
laughing to kill the feeling
that I'm so low,
its hard to get much less.
nows a good time to let
my life....begin healing.

3/4/06

Nothing More.

Nothing more.


Led on once again
left to being just friends
a undecided feeling
worked its way through
to make me believe
well..i really like you..

how does it never work
when there is nothing i can do
all i really wanted
is you.

I'm the best you will ever find
thanks for fucking with my mind.
look around, we were one of a kind.
now the "we" is left behind..

you made me laugh
and i made you smile
i saw myself with you for a while.
but its ok, options will proceed.
when you find a better girl..
thats the day rocks will bleed.

so take your bullshit
and shove it good
i wont deal with this
its gone a little far
you hurt me
when i promised i wouldn't let you
i don't know why I'm hurt
but its true.

i don't know why i wrote this
or why i even care this much
but i really did like you
so good job to "us" for fucking it up.

Past Pretense

Past Pretense

Secluded in the depths of my morality
reaching strong, pulling through me
a lonely minute ticks away
as the silence screams

a misunderstood word
turned ugly
looked away as soon as i saw you
i get the clue

pressure suffocates my heart
in a envious battle
turn to smokin weed
maybe even hittin a bottle

feelings twisting, turning inside of me
like a chorus of pissed off honey bee's
a brutal attack during a daydream
woke up to feeling nothing
everything isn't how it seems

lies hid behind your cheap smile
but hid well
i think you captivate me
with your silence
yet ill still never turn down a kiss
a feeling of defiance

a lonely walk i go
just me myself.. my feet move slow
with a unmotivated obligation
alone again
gained only experience
and a little more patience
everything of what there was
is now spoken in the past pretense.
and the past is the rock for the future.
wherever the future may lead will all depend..


2/26/06
-Ginnies

Poetry.

My poetry flows through me
like water through a hole.
i can feel the taste that runs like colors
in the bottle of drunken sadness.
when my heart beats faster,
my fingers start to tingle
and that mind of mine works
with the words that i have heard.
in a lifetime of experience and heartache
burn me good.
i do things i shouldn't but should
if i didn't, i wouldn't have anything to write about.
when i write my eyes are full
my stomach is twisting
my mind is working
and my fingers are moving
soothing
i love it.
stress lifts me higher,
and writing holds me where i need to be.
poetry
my best friend
my passion
my words
my mind
my life.
poetry.
my inner most thoughts
my mind set
and who i am.
my life
poetry

The Limit

The Limit

a cold death stare from the eyes of the broken heart
laid across the floor
knuckles to the door
resting my pain on the table

leaving a sense of happiness
is unstable
looking through me
is like looking through red glass
you can see it all
but it isn't clear

left in the corner with thoughts
unbearable..
the tear hits the floor
as hard as my fist
hits the wall
when you cross the line
break the limit

shamelessly i laugh at the pain
dance in the rain
one more time
before it is over

organized my feelings in
a unorganized shape
when last time i checked
there was no escape..
still here.

the bruises of your words
show across my face
as i look you in the eye
for the last time.
and my smile fades
into another day.

10/23/06

Untitled Thoughts.

Untitled Thoughts

whats left of me
right by me
aside of me
inside of me
above me..

help me again
i cant see the end
of the right road
that i missed..

in circles i fell
around and around
a blind drunken dizziness..
falling..

but i didnt hit the ground
the ground hit me
harder then i thought
harder then it felt

whats left now
how do i hold my head up
when my neck is broken
from the pain you threw at me
like a brick through the air

i feel alone now
with nothing to live for
nothing to be proud of
except the memory of you...
smiling at me
playing with my hair
pretending to care

whats it worth anyways?
nothing to be said or to say
live tomorrow
as if it was today
in the end, everyone has to pay
what goes around comes around
so take a sip of that and drown.

goodbye to your laughter, and silly melodramatic sense
a rotten way of seeing me, the way you think is bent.
how can i just be another person
when you are the only person

maybe you know something i don't
I'm just tired
of pretending not to know,
that you just don't care

Trapped.

Trapped

everything gone now
whats there to do?
how can i feel like this
nothing to prove

i am punished daily
by constant struggles
that keep me down
and never let me fly away

take me away
untouchable distance
a plane ticket
something
i will not resist it.

trapped in my own world
never reaching beyond the limit
now I'm stuck in this world
and i don't fit in it

everything goes wrong
at the wrong time
something i don't understand
not his, not hers not anyones
but mine.

come into the depth of my identity
and take a walk
digest the constant put down remarks
feel the hurt i feel,
with out ever saying a word, i never talk.
i'll never talk.

a nightmare stares me in the eyes
except it is no fantasy
i wont be looked at the same
put to shame
everything goes wrong.
fuck it, this shits lame.

its hard to breathe here
suffocating
trapped in a cage
bite my tounge
filled with rage
ready to snap
trapped.

This one doesn't have a name

This one doesn't Have a name.

Crammed inside
deep inside me
in my life
cracked between
the right and
wrong
who woulda thought
something isn't worth caring for
as much
as i cared about you
laughing is over rated
and ratings are opinionated
live day by day
become sedated
molding into who i was
when i wasn't who i wanted to be
being who i am
is something i plan to achieve
so slide into the home plate
on the third strike, of the night
being wrong today makes it right
so right me good, and wrong me never
i want to hear I'm the best ever.
my hearts a pulley and your the lever
so pull me, and make me work,
you just gotta feel me better.

Patience

Patience.

secluded in the depths of my morality
reaching strong, pulling through me
a lonely minute ticks away
as the silence screams

a misunderstood word
turned ugly
looked away as soon as i saw you
i get the clue

pressure suffocates my heart
in a envious battle
turn to smokin weed
maybe even hittin a bottle

feelings twisting, turning inside of me
like a chorus of pissed off honey bee's
a brutal attack during a daydream
woke up to feeling nothing
everything isn't how it seems

lies hid behind your cheap smile
but hid well
i think you captivate me
with your silence
yet ill still never turn down a kiss

a lonely walk i go
just me myself.. my feet move slow
with a unmotivated obligation
alone again
gained only experience
and a little more patience

Lying Down Tonight

Lying. Down. Tonight.



The intellectual presence that haunts my mind.
why am i not good enough in these hard times.
falling faster into an unending sorrow.
people aren't today, they're tomorrow.
Blows to the brain of an undecided high.
the words of your eyes make it hard not to cry.
creeping in slowly the painful loss of a day.
the bliss i woulda shoulda had is nothing but yesterday.
crazy some call me
or just overwhelmed
living in a self absorbed morbid hell.
so what?
all the constant pressure resounding
bouncing off of the walls of my mind
always racing the clock racing time
endlessly laughing about the tear in your eye
when the world stops spinning
thats when it will all go right.
life's funny like that.

Look

Look.

a swift exchange of a glance
indescribable elegance
in the beauty of a dance
unending trance,hear me now.

stop take a stare
the world that turns
ends never forgiving, never fair.
lost in the infamous glare
you give so well.

enter my mind
in this far fetch time
laugh with me hard
I'm the lucky deck
in the lonely card.

pass me off as quiet
but hear me loud
this look i receive
i couldn't be more proud

of the shadow that
follows you around
like a lost friend
as your smile is rockin' the style fake.
this stories already began.
close to THE END.

everlasting content.
a emotion i must borrow.
suck it up there is always tomorrow.

Life

life isnt a color
life isnt a show
life isnt a kiss
life isnt being missed
or missing..
life isnt touching
life isnt talking
life isnt appearance
its the soul.
life is fragile
life is true
life is real
life is there
there is life
is life there?
here.
walking around in life
life isnt around walking
so hold tight when you have it
cuz you only get it once
life.
it isnt just passive
or high strug
it isnt taco bell
or cigarettes
life.
its more then life
its just simple
yet so complicated
hard
sweet
tough and free
life isnt free
life is full of tasks
life is a hurdle waiting to be jumped..
when life is over
over is life
life is done
and then there is nothing more for that person
with their life on earth
but live a new different life
a life
untold
unknow
mysterious
curious
beautiful
strange
life.
beginning to the end
past the end
is life.
a 4 letter word with more meaning then anything
life of life is life true life my life
live it.

Its what you do

The rain is pounding the window..
feeling happy, yet so low...
as we pass the 50 mph sign..
my hearts going so much faster..
i feel my throat tighten,and my eyes are blind..
its what you do to me...
your the key..

driving faster trying to keep up with the pace of my pounding heart
i don't even know where to start with you
when i met you time stopped...then it flew...
now here i sit alone and so blue

i felt your embrace..
the soft expression sitting on your face..
you silently laugh but with no smile.
i can see it in your deep eyes.
look at the clouds in the skies..
priceless she says.

hey there listen now...I'm going so fast down this hole..
i turn up the music and scream it at the top of my lungs
all because of you
we have nothing to lose.
so I'm going 70 now down this road.
you make me cruise
i cant stop

faster faster faster....
my heart is pounding
my head is throbbing
my eyes are crying
but i am laughing..
its what you do to me.

so i stop the car.
enter the world of the rest.
I'm no longer thinking of you
ok so i lied.
but I'm so nervous i could cry
and i will always remember you until the day i die
going 70 mph in a 45 now.
one day
kiss your lips.
you grab my hips
we make passion hot.
windows steam.

I'm going 60.
i cant help but scream.
you turn me on
so bad.
so after it all I'm glad.
i met you
its what you do to me.

for that moment i was resting upon being happy.
for that moment baby
its what you do to me.
damn you do it good.

For You

For You

close my eyes
feel the sting
the unresting ring
in my ears
the song i sing
for you

a life unseen
a living dream
isn't what it seems
my tone is off, in the song i sing
for you.

unglued understatement
a good way to place me
lick your lips,
after a kiss
and taste me.
i wore my flavored lip gloss
for you.

Zero tolerance,
my heart is too easy to convince
the words you used so sweetly
is in the past pretense
i believed it was true
for you.

this game you play
you need to teach me
reverse the curse
and un-reach me.
the message is relayed
from me
for you.

you told me to go
so i turned around
but never walked away
watched my dignity hit the ground

with my back to your face
my mind in outer space
a blissful state
except, this time its for me
not for you, not today.