locked doors

locked doors.

every choice i made
every single day
every way
i have to pay

living in the past
hating the present
afraid of the future

i never learned to listen.
always ripping open my
freshly dug sutures.

dealing with the consequences
of my actions
left alone
in an orderly fashion

overwhelmed with my decisions
left with nothing more
losing myself each time
i close and lock another door.

everything i touch
crumbles into ruins
everything i love
ends before i knew it.

I came into this world alone
I walk this world alone
I'll leave this world alone.

brain on my shoulders
heart on my sleeve
taking each step
towards a newer me.

working for myself
looking for an answer
trying to make it in this world
corruption spreads like cancer.

falling, grabbing, leaving
gasping
reaching
for a unknown source
opening a new door
feet planted on the floor.

every choice i make
every single day
every way
reflecting new ways.
learning from my mistakes.
10/9/08

watching

watching.

watch me disappear

watch me walk out the door

watch there be nothing left

but my heart scattered on the floor

i gave it my all

i watched it fail

im tired of these eyes

they left me to kill.

i watched you try

i watched me shut you down

i watched my lungs fill with water

until i drowned

i watched the tears pass

i watched the days go by

i watched as the love of my life

was no longer mine

no longer apart of my life

i saw him see her

and i lost all

i watched myself try and be strong

and fail

now theres nothing for me to do

but walk out this door

opening a new chapter

watching ..

2/18/08