Vagrant

I don't want to be a vagrant
tired of people considering me a burden.
always the first to answer when you call
always the last to get an answer, when i call.

resorted to small self indulgences
resorted to hopping this privacy fence
guarding life's pleasures
wash and dry my soul
like a pair of dirty pants.

a lot of times
i feel alone in this world
with nothing to count on.
constantly being let down
by people i relied on.

I am afraid of being alone
tired of feeling this way
venture into the sun
into another day
finding the words to say
to describe this hurt
this feeling of neglect
this tiring world is wrecked

i am a nuisance,
feeling like a vagrant
hoping things turn around
praying life's battles turn upside down
wishing a few occurrences in my life
would work out
for my benefit

trying harder is what i must do
trying hard is the only way to prove
to anyone, i am no beggar
i am not your burden
i am not your obligation
i am a human being, living with you in this saddened nation
finding my life going in a strange direction
waiting for karma rotation

i deserve a chance at this life
i need to try harder
keep my head up, and lock in my sights.
i know i shine, and i refuse to allow my own mind
to dim my own light.

I don't want to be a vagrant
tired of people considering me a burden.
I will fight these curses
and when its all over
these memories of hard times
will be sacred.

5/12/10
C.MacGinnis

The Search

The Search

Not sure anymore, uncertain of my choices
behind each closed door
Find me lying on the floor
seeking answers in the grains of dirt
surrounding my head, my back is sore.

Which way do i wander
Where do i lay my troubled mind
to slumber?

Reached a point of counting numbers,
until the end of time, for mankind
maybe then i will find the answers,
i long to intertwine with my life.

Figuring out if i am worth your time, his time, anyones time.
No one can fight life's battles alone
I have been trying to for so long, and i'm tired.
i try to escape my thoughts with the only solace i have anymore
in the debths of my writing and songs.

Life is trying to finish me off, end this suffering,
similar to prey thats been hunted,
tell me i can't and i will,
traveling through life
searching endlessly for
something thats real.
something to feel.

-C.MacGinnis
5/12/10