Vagrant

I don't want to be a vagrant
tired of people considering me a burden.
always the first to answer when you call
always the last to get an answer, when i call.

resorted to small self indulgences
resorted to hopping this privacy fence
guarding life's pleasures
wash and dry my soul
like a pair of dirty pants.

a lot of times
i feel alone in this world
with nothing to count on.
constantly being let down
by people i relied on.

I am afraid of being alone
tired of feeling this way
venture into the sun
into another day
finding the words to say
to describe this hurt
this feeling of neglect
this tiring world is wrecked

i am a nuisance,
feeling like a vagrant
hoping things turn around
praying life's battles turn upside down
wishing a few occurrences in my life
would work out
for my benefit

trying harder is what i must do
trying hard is the only way to prove
to anyone, i am no beggar
i am not your burden
i am not your obligation
i am a human being, living with you in this saddened nation
finding my life going in a strange direction
waiting for karma rotation

i deserve a chance at this life
i need to try harder
keep my head up, and lock in my sights.
i know i shine, and i refuse to allow my own mind
to dim my own light.

I don't want to be a vagrant
tired of people considering me a burden.
I will fight these curses
and when its all over
these memories of hard times
will be sacred.

5/12/10
C.MacGinnis

The Search

The Search

Not sure anymore, uncertain of my choices
behind each closed door
Find me lying on the floor
seeking answers in the grains of dirt
surrounding my head, my back is sore.

Which way do i wander
Where do i lay my troubled mind
to slumber?

Reached a point of counting numbers,
until the end of time, for mankind
maybe then i will find the answers,
i long to intertwine with my life.

Figuring out if i am worth your time, his time, anyones time.
No one can fight life's battles alone
I have been trying to for so long, and i'm tired.
i try to escape my thoughts with the only solace i have anymore
in the debths of my writing and songs.

Life is trying to finish me off, end this suffering,
similar to prey thats been hunted,
tell me i can't and i will,
traveling through life
searching endlessly for
something thats real.
something to feel.

-C.MacGinnis
5/12/10

Your Shine is Bright

Your Shine is Bright

I see the man behind the pain

I see what you came to be

I see the torture you endured

at a timely pace you matured

your life has burned you

and it hurt like hell

yet you continue working your way

down your unpaved trail.

you let it shove you harder and harder

into a spiral of uncontrollable sadness

and yet you brought yourself up over this trouble

released yourself from the madness

i see who you are

the beauty you possess

i see the man who has broken free

that look suits you best.

your eyes tell a story

when your mouth doesn't want to

your humor finds me on the floor

smothered in laughter

your wild ideas and thoughts of the future

have a beauty in their own

hours could pass by listening to you

and those hours would go by

un-missed and unknown.

indescribable feelings you conjured inside me

helped me see its okay to just be me

inspired me to write this down

sing it loud, but don't be too proud.

your a beautiful person

your light shines brighter than the sun

your eyes are brighter than the moon

and your suffered spirits bindings

are finally coming undone.

ripped free from the grip

that held you so tight

suffocating you like a python in the night

there is no time

they want to hold you back

to inch closer to dim your light

not seeing the strength you have

in their sight.

you hold the potential,

pride, and will

to be the man i see

behind life's attempt

at an emotional kill.

you my dear friend

are a beautiful person

with your light as bright as the sun

your eyes as bright as the moon

with your spirits suffocating bindings

surely coming undone,

if i can tell you anything

pass anything along

my only piece i give to you

never dim that light for anyone.

4/30/10

Baby Jane

Baby Jane
Tamara Dougherty i love you.

Hello baby girl
with your slanted tired eyes
you just took a journey
no one remembers in their life

Hi there sweet newborn
knowing nothing more
than your mothers warmth.
and voice.

A shell of innocence
with your inability
to be corrupted
i love you baby girl
already.

You are here now,
with this world against you
but you will be a strong one
from the folks who will raise you
your beauty will flow over
and your love will be true
your loyalties will follow
shortly behind your Aries attitude.

I can't wait to meet you little one
i can't wait to see you and your mom and pops.
together, at-last.
A journey that took a while,
that you won't remember
but we will all keep in our hearts
and grow with you, into the future
keeping you safe.
welcome to this world.
we we're all ready to see you gorgeous face.


3/23/10
-C.MacGinnis
Dedicated To: baby Jane<3

A verse i search

A verse I search

Hypnotize this anxious tired mind, find me asleep in a corner of time, left with no one to listen to my cry, founded my solace on a dark hazy night, right in the thought, wrong in the crime, fought for my justice, leaving everyone behind. Asleep in the sunshine, awake in the night, i feel this world here doesn't fit me quite right...reach for a hand, alone in near sight, caressing my arm, tensing up for whats right..no wonder this world can't seem to work right,no wonder these peoples live their lives in fright, fright of the worries of life's wondrous battles, worried of people, and small things that don't ever matter, worried of what he thinks or she thinks of you, when all that really matters is the knowledge you use...constantly worried of your past and your senses, you never see past the wounded fences, easy you say, easy you think, how about i thought there was more, there than i thought you would think...find me some substance to take me away, from these games, that make me tired to t hink that you take time to play..i am not done being that woman who knows where she stands, i am kicking you over, with a blindfold not using my hands. Good bye is a sweet sorrow we all must endure, but the way you did me like this, is a disease you inflicted i will never get cured. Loyal to all, is my demeanor, being your fool is far from my agenda, find me a option of forgetting your name, and that's the verse I'll sing again and again.

-C.MacGinnis
3/23/10

Drowned this friendship.

My eyes saw it all
tears needed to fall
keep your fake friendship far.
too many scars.

The go to girl
the one who has what you need
for the time being
the one who has a heart
of giving..

take advantage of me,
i let you do it for a while
then i realized your as hopeless
as a small child
who depends on someone to hold
their hand crossing the road..
except the cross is 100 miles.

i refuse to be your burden
refuse to let you make a fool of me
i refuse to let you trap me with your needs
breaking these ropes
screw you, i am free of your fake friendship.
you never provided care, or help for me.

Ill bury it once and for all
and when you realize what you just lost
don't come crawling back to me
i am no longer your go-to girl
i am no longer your mat to walk all over
i am no longer a friend to call your own
took advantage of my consideration
watch me hold this under
watch this friendship drown by my hands..
and your actions.

3/22/10

Big Oak Tree in the Middle of Town

Big Oak Tree in the Middle of Town

Big oak tree in the middle of town
i wonder how long you've been around
your roots morphed into
what looks like a
large solid fist hitting the ground.

You've been around for years
seen more than we can imagine
always standing strong
never making a sound
bound in one spot.

Silent watcher
i see you standing there
just as the generations before me
over looked your beauty
your wisdom
your silent suffer.

Big oak tree in the middle of town
i wonder how long you've been around
your roots morphed into
what looks like a
large solid fist hitting the ground.
Tired of what you hear in this world..
sick of the horrible sounds.

Here you will stand big tree
until the corrupted human race
over looks you
and cuts you down..
then you will get to make your noise
the sad song of an ancient tree
hitting the ground..
for a reason not profound.

3/9/10
C-MacGinnis